We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
