my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Blood and glitter go together right?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
