What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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