Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
