dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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