ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
