it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
