I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
