So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
