I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
