you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
