i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I love having hate sex.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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