she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
she told me i tasted like america
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
