You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
