It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
