The maid of honor just puked.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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