Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I have already put on my inside pants.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
