hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
