3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
