i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
