Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm sobbing to NWA
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
