Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
