i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
