Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
