I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
