careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
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