i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
