what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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