that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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