the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
