I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
