Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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