My Higher Power is John Stamos
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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