At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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