He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize