YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
