i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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