She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
