I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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