Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
