I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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