i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize