im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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