On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
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