5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
