There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
