can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
