He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
