Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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