lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
