How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize