This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
