but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
