i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I will pee on everything he values.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize