you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
