how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize
