You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
