I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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