at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
So vagazzling was a success
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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