My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
