I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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