Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
