On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
