i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize