so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
