Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
